Skilling Considering Death to Avoid Jail

HOUSTON: In the wake of Ken Lay's conviction being overturned as a result of his death (apparently once dead, a convict has no means of appeal, thus making the conviction unfair in the minds of the courts), Jeff Skilling was said to be mulling over the possibility of his own death as a way to avoid the jail term he should receive after his sentencing. "It doesn't seem fair - Ken dies and gets a 'get out of jail free' card, and I'm here living but having to suffer with likely jail time", said Skilling to a friend. Skilling, who will have to pay a steep fine in addition to serving what will probably be up to 15 years in jail, was interviewing various doctors, mobsters, and others with access to a variety of killing techniques. "Even if death is a good option to avoid jail, I don't really want it to hurt", Skilling continued. "I think I favor something like injection or something that wouldn't, like, include hitting pavement at high speed or cutting holes in my body. Those would really hurt". The courts, however, are working furiously to find a way to offer an appeal capability to a dead convict to ensure that Skilling doesn't get off scott free, even if dead.