Japan Announces New Sanctions against Earthquakes

Tokyo, Japan: Fooled into thinking they were witnessing a second nuclear bomb test from North Korea, Japanese officials retaliated against the Earth and the Ring of Fire today by announcing sanctions against both.

After a 6.0 earthquake hit off the coast of Japan yesterday, Japanese scientists and government officials first thought that North Korea had undertaken a second nuclear test. Instead, "...it was just another stupid, run-of-the-mill earthquake, but shrouded in deceit and intended to goad us into sanctioning North Korea", said one angry Japanese official. As a result, the Japanese government has withdrawn all aid to the Earth and is banning shipments through the Ring of Fire as well as to any other area of seismic activity. Coincidentally, the government also announced sanctions against North Korea, in case they were thinking of a second test.