Madonna Adopts Britney Spears' Latest Child

LONDON: In the wake of her recent adoption of a Malawi boy, Madonna and her husband, Guy Ritchie, have decided to perform a hostile adoption of Britney Spears' newest child, Jayden. Madonna commented that Jayden "...would surely be unable to live a normal childhood and could really use the love and care that I can provide." While unlike the Malawi child whose siblings had all died from the AIDS virus, Jayden and Sean, Spears' and her husband Kevin Federline's older son, would still be "...devoid of a true family experience and subject to unusual suffering..." at the hands of their parents, Madonna commented further. Both Madonna and Guy Ritchie urged Spears to return to singing and dancing and "...slinking around the stage, lipsynching songs and turning on that weird sex appeal", as they put it. They also made it clear that in their view, the world would be much better off, as would their children, if the couple refocused on the music industry instead of attempting to raise a family.