Washington, DC: Amid the growing controversy and clamor of the Foley follies, House Speaker Dennis Hastert has announced that rather than resign or perhaps even castigate Rep. Foley, he would enact "reforms". Here are some of his planned actions:
- The Speaker will review and approve all e-mails containing sexual innuendo, gay or straight
- Pages must pass a strict physical in addition to drug and AIDS testing annually
- Congressmen must spell out all intentions long hand in e-mails - using abbreviated wording in SMS or text messages is not allowed.
- Complaints from or about unwanted physical contact with underage pages (or of age pages, for that matter) will be brought to the attention of the Speaker in not longer than 9 months after they occur (however, the Speaker cannot guarantee that any action will be taken unless the accused is a Democrat).
Further demonstrating his attentiveness and concern for the situation, Hastert reiterated his support for President Bush's "No Child Left Behind", though it's not clear that he or some others in Congress understand the true intent of that bill. Indeed, it is believed that Speaker Hastert believed that the bill would be something of interest to Rep. Foley, though not necessarily as part of his political stance on child abuse.
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