Tampa Bay Rays Exonerated in Mitchell Report

WASHINGTON, DC: Today's release of the Mitchell Report, which names 50 major league baseball players that have been implicated in the use of illegal or unapproved performance enhancing drugs like steroids or HGH, exonerated the entire Tampa Bay Rays team from inidctment or suspicion of the use of any sort of performance enhancing substances. "It's a great day for Tampa", said the Rays' general manager. "Our performance speaks for itself and our players are shining examples of the ability to play major league baseball without performance enhancing substances." Yankees GM Brian Cashman, who had Roger Clemens, Andy Pettite and other players named in the report, commented that "...Tampa is pretty lucky; we may have over 20 championships, but we're now stuck with the scourge of performance enhancing drugs."