NEW YORK: As profits fade for Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia and its current merchandising deal with KMart declining in value, MSLO took steps to buttress its revenues by launching a hostile acquisition of popular (if not overly chipper) chef Rachel Ray. MSLO offered $100M for Ms. Ray, the cheery host of numerous "everyday" cooking and restaurant shows, not to mention magazines and various other forms of media. "She's where we were before Martha went to the big house," said an unnamed source. "We need to recapture some of that swagger."
Ms. Stewart, no doubt putting some of her time in jail to use, threatened to snuff Ms. Ray's career if she didn't accede to the offer. "That b---c barely has a following compared to me, but that grating voice of hers seems to find its way into the kitchens of the women that I used to talk to," Ms. Stewart seethed. "If she comes along now, we can make some beautiful (but simple) things together."
Ms. Ray was taken aback by the offer and Ms. Stewart's attitude, but kept her perky smile and simply stated "Ya know, maybe she just needs a coating of EVOO to smooth her out a bit," she said.
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