Republican Planning Dealt Another Blow By Rumsfeld

WASHINGTON: In yet another stunning example of ineffective and inept Republican planning, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced his resignation today...at least two weeks later than necessary to avoid Democratic sweeps of the House and Senate, according to White House officials. President George W. Bush was heard to swear and exclaim that "Rummy was wrong AGAIN, dammit! He should have resigned weeks ago when it could have made a difference. Now that #@&$@$ Nancy Pelosi gets to do her stupid victory dance AGAIN!" Rumsfeld also reportedly stepped down as a result of an incorrect assumption that the newly elected Democratic House and Senate would put him to death over his somewhat cavalier and misguided handling of the unecessary war in Iraq. Political reactions were generally gleeful except for the President. Re-elected Governor Arnold Schwarzennegger even quipped that it was long past time for Rumsfeld to "...get OUT".