SILICON VALLEY, CA: Responding to warrants for her arrest as well as that of several of her cohorts, Hewlett-Packard Chairwoman Patricia Dunn today claimed that the HP board's conspiracy, identity theft (or "pretexting" as the impersonation of the victims was ephemistically characterized) and set of illegal acts was merely "...a big joke! We were just trying to have a little fun with Carly, the press and others to let off some steam during what were otherwise tedious times for the company". Dunn suggested that board members were quite fond of playing practical jokes, including a few "hot foot" incidents for Carleton S. Fiorina at board meetings, prank calls to senior executives ("We tried the 'Prince Albert in a can' call a few times", Ms. Dunn confessed) and phone messages with "silly voices and jokes", according to Kevin Hunsaker, HP's compliance lawyer.
Claiming that they were after "...a few laughs", Ms. Dunn continued to proclaim her innocence and complete lack of knowledge about laws regarding impersonation, identity theft and general good manners. Ms. Dunn, who last week stated that she (the chairwoman of a $90B company) thought that private phone records were readily available to those that simply called and asked the phone company for them, continued incredulously about the illegality of her and her board's acts. "I just can't believe that our state government and the press -- the press, for chrissakes -- has no sense of humor. Who hasn't made a few crank calls? Who hasn't tried to 'one up' their pals by beating them to the punch on, say, tickets to the ball game?" Ms. Dunn then held up a whoopee cushion and described with great glee how often that particular stunt was used on Ms. Fiorina as well as Mark Hurd, the current CEO of HP, when board meetings tended to go a little long.
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