New slogan for the Bahamas - You must be DYING to get here

I was fortunate enough to be able to read several of the new "Travel to the Bahamas" ads on the subway today...my car wasn't the overcrowded sardine can it usually is, and I could look around the train without fear of staring at someone for longer than the 4.2 seconds one is usually permitted. Apparently, Bahamas leaders are anxious to have New Yorkers dead rather than to visit their country. I figure that this has to be the case after reading some of the copy and viewing the accompanying pictures. There were four ads, but I only saw three of them (not counting the overhead advice to "trade 18 layers for 18 holes" and a nice picture of a guy, a starfish, and a beach doing their thing. The ads were attempting to be clever in suggesting ways that suffering New Yorkers could have an "instant vacation" by trying some things they'd do in the Bahamas on or in the subway. However, each was fraught with peril, death just waiting at each little venture. Here's what I saw:

1. Create a hammock out of empty subway seats - picture of stick figure lying across three seats. Not only is this impossible most of the time - the train is simply too crowded - but doing this would bring the vacationer an instant reaction of anger and likely admonishments to "Get the F--- off those seats, m------ f-------!!". At best, the traveler would come way with some grime on his clothes; at worst, broken bones.

2. Subway Snorkeling - another ad suggests that travelers move from car to car to view the "New York wildlife". Of course, we all know (per subway car instructions) that "...standing or moving between cars while the train is in motion is dangerous and prohibited." So basically, take this little action and risk being rat food after slipping between a few moving cars.

3. Fly-Casting...with your scarf - possibly the most stupid and flagrant ad was this one, which laughingly suggests that travelers attach their cell phones to their scarves with tape, put more tape on the cell phone, and then cast the carf-phone-fishing pole into the tracks and see what they can find. There's even a PICTURE of a nice stick figure casting his scarf onto the tracks in the face of what very much seems to be an oncoming train!! You figure out what their intentions are with this one.

All in all, I think I'll travel to Florida. There's no tax, it's closer, and not only do they not want to kill you, there are plenty of ambulances waiting to help in case you fall and can't get up.