Thursday News

Bush makes good "judgement" call - Bush discontinues trying to make his chief legal whiz, who may or may not ever have said the word "abortion" or used any of its letters in sequence, into a Supreme Court Justice. Looks like the Dems will have to go back to picking on Tom DeLay again. Wonder who the next nominee will be...maybe Bull from Night Court?

The State of Michigan is considering using its monetary reward from Big Tobacco for private equity investing. Wait until the lawyers get after healthcare and pharma companies for the states...Rhode Island will be able to buy Microsoft for cash.

Does Dirty Dancing really HAVE to be on every night? Did Jerry Orbach have some codicil in his will that the movie must be replayed FOREVER?

On a related topic - you know there's nothing good on TV when your wife is willing to sit through 15 minutes of a Jean Claude Van Damme film. Sure, he's got a great butt and everything, but...

Howard Stern and crew are going to be on 60 Minutes in the near future. Ed Bradley drew the assignment. Talk about worlds colliding...THAT should be an interesting show to watch.

Back after a long (for me) hiatus

Unfortunately, I had to focus on work for the past week or so, leaving this blog bereft of original content. However, I'm looking to recover fully today with some thoughts on current events.

- I'm kicking myself for not getting in on Google at its rock bottom price of $300/share. After its current $38/share increase, I could have had enough for a whole month of Starbucks on a purchase of two shares (though I could also have bought a suit for that price as well).

- While I'm kicking, I might as well poke myself in the eye for getting out of Yahoo too quickly (missing another $1/share increase) and back into another stock too quickly as well (covered a short a bit too early, missing out on about $2K of profit there). Still ahead on the year, though.

- Did Demi Moore just discover the 7th seal or something? What's with the rash of earthquakes, hurricanes, flu, etc.? The very religious among us might suggest that it's time to repent (or atone depending upon one's faith, though I guess a whole lot of atonement last week didn't help much) or perhaps build an ark. Meet you at Mt. Ararat in a few weeks. I'll bring two of each kind of beer, OK?

- Name two things that are deployed. See answers below.

- Is karaoke better when you CAN or CAN'T hear yourself singing? Guess it depends if you like what you hear or not.

- I hate to be a stick in the mud, but can someone please explain to me the appeal of a one inch or so square video display? I'm as much of an iPod fan as anyone, but other than "cool" factor, do people REALLY want to watch TV shows et al on that form factor? From a guy's perspective, what would get downloaded? Sports, porn, maybe an action flick, ALL of which demand a larger screen. From a woman's perspective? Soap operas, some sports, a few weeks of "Housewives", some movies; same issue (notice how I assume that women won't want to download porn; I don't think I'm taking a big leap of faith, there).
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"Deployed" quiz answer: Troops and airbags. You don't deploy dinner and you don't deploy a new couch. Not sure why this attracted me, but I think the limited use of the word is interesting.

Good day for bad Yahoo headlines

Two that could be somewhat related:

Apple Softness Brings Down Nasdaq
and
Ciara leads Vibe Award nominations

Now, the first one could have been written more creatively, to wit:
- NASDAQ Bruised By Apple Softness
- NASDAQ Cored by Apple
... you get the picture.

As for the second one, WHAT THE HECK are the "Vibe Awards", and how do I get tickets? What did Ciara do (and with what) to win? When I first read this, I also thought it said "Cialis leads Vibe Award nominations", which would make more sense, perhaps (or not since an erstwhile Cialis user wouldn't really NEED a Vibe Award, I suppose).

Now what if the headlines were combined?

Vibe Awards Bruised by Apple Softness?
Soft Apple Bruises Ciara at Vibe Awards?
NASDAQ Goes Soft After Apple Bruised At Vibe Awards

So much for mystique and aura...

Despite the fact that I'm a Mets fan, I stayed up last night to watch the Yankees lose to what should have been a shell-shocked Angels team. The Angels lost their starter in the 2nd inning and were already up against the wall 2-0 when they decided to collectively say "Screw the Yankees" and pulled out the win with the help of some incredibly clutch pitching by a rookie, some really crappy fielding by the Yankees, and the total absence of A-Rod and Hideki Matsui from professional hitting. The Yankees left an incredible 11 men on base, 8 of them on during Matsui's 0-4 outing. Wasted were surprisingly good pitching by the Randy Johnson in relief and (no surprise) clutch hitting by Derek Jeter.

I had picked the Angels in 4 anyway, so maybe I'm not that surprised.

Searching for the notar republic (apologies to Angela)

Pretty soon, my family and I will no longer be summer homeless. We're closing on some property in Rhode Island and, assuming we can agree on a myriad of follow up activities (type of house, who will build it, when it will be built, etc.), we'll evolve from being landowners to being 2nd home owners. This is very exciting for a guy who, for years, could never understand the need to live in anything bigger than an apartment.

However, before this explosion of upper middle class bliss can occur, there's paperwork to be signed. It's actually quite shocking that any sort of complex process involving people, money, and paper - especially when those people aren't sitting right next to each other - can get done. Surprisingly, notwithstanding advances like "the Internet" and "electronic documents", I was able to find, procure, have approved, and receive a home equity line of credit AND signed contracts on our property within a 4 week timeframe. That is, everything was ready UNTIL...I realized I had to have my loan documents notarized.

There are people that could go their whole lives without having something notarized. Not to knock the notarial profession (I have known someone for years that is a notary, and she is quite an excellent person) , but as the guy said in the movie "Big", "I don't get it". Basically, the notary is a witness to your signing important documents and attesting to the fact that you are actually you and that you are actually signing the documents, presumably of your own free will and without duress. However, this person only needs to appear at the very last moment of a process that has involved the following:

1) 2 real estate agents
2) 3 sisters who owned property
3) my wife and me
4) 2 people at the lender to get the loan process flowing
5) an appraiser
6) roughly 100 pages of contracts FAXed, Fedexed, and UPSed around the country
7) numerous family members, friends, bankers, etc. who all "advised" us during the process

3 days ago, I received the last set of documents related to the above process. The lender was THRILLED to lend me all the money I wanted, and all I had to do was have my wife and I sign the document (note: the loan is in my name only, not to be able to keep my wife's hands off of it should she ever realize what a moron I am, but to expedite the current process; however, since she was lucky/unlucky enough to cosign our original mortage, she has to sign the new loan docs anyway!) and...have...it...notarized.

In my haste, I didn't see the requirement for notarization until AFTER I had asked my wife to sign in her spots so I could turn the document around quickly and send it back the next day. OOPS. I recall a scene from a sitcom - The King of Queens, maybe? - where Jerry Stiller, the dad, becomes a notary and goes nuts because he notarized a document WITHOUT ACTUALLY WITNESSING THE SIGNATURE. I quickly realize my error and set out to find a notary local to our home so that my wife and I can go sign or at least be present in person first thing in the morning.

Notaries are like air...invisible, yet around you all the time. There is no "notary store", but they seem to be planted everywhere, perhaps like the old Russian "sleeper" agents that are suddenly activated by a phone call from Gdansk and hit key government sites. So I do the 21st century thing - search the internet for a notary near me. I get a result that has a sort of Noto-Rooter, a 24-hour on call notary that comes to your door. Sounded a bit risky, and I could wait until the next morning. So where are the notaries? My wife figured it out - "They're in the banks, of course". Ah HAH - so THAT's why there are retail banks cropping up all over, 2 two every block in our towns...they're the outposts for the evil sleeper terrorist notary agents waiting to pounce, and what better way to overthrow our infrastructure then by giving them access to our MONEY?? Still, I needed the documents notarized, so I went with the plan.

There are no less than 10 banks within a 2-mile stretch of road that extends from Rye Brook to Rye proper. 2-3 of these are very new but epitomize the recent re-explosion of branch banking - they look like Pottery Barn or Ikea showrooms mixed with casinos, welcoming open spaces furnished in contemporary wood grains and fabrics with bright lights and engaging signs. "Come spend time with us!! Bring the kids!! Have some candy!! It's FUN to bank here!!" Nevermind that as the number of banks increase in town, they ruin the town's ability to draw in people to support the other retailers that may have been there for years (though are likely struggling to pay rents that only huge banking conglomerates can now afford). Soon, the only retail fronts left will be banks, restaurants, dry cleaners and Starbucks, though I see no reason why all these should not be combined (StarBank and Wash?).

So where are the notaries? The newest banks seemed a bit confused, though I received very gracious attempts at help from nice 800-number people. I was able to pinpoint a few locations, but between different opening times and uncertainty as to whether the actual notary might be in early in the morning, we decided to start driving to the banks and see what we could turn up the next morning. In our first attempt, the bank had a notary, but she was not yet in and would not be in for another 30 minutes (maybe...we received the list of reasons why she was late, which were nice, but not really important to us). The bank across the street wasn't yet open (though the first bank told us it would be - guess they got us, huh?). We decided to go across town to one of the *newer* banks since they were bound to have a notary. Sure enough, she was there (by the way, are there any male notaries?).

I'm smart enough to realize that the bank provides a service like this to - shudder - try and get me to do more stuff with them. I was firm in my resolve not to let this happen, however, since my savings are already strewn across numerous financial services entities. We sat down and confronted the first issue...what penalty must we endure for my wife's having signed the paper already? No worries...she merely had to sign a piece of note paper so that her signature could be witnessed and compared to the existing one (I was prepared to white out the signature, but that must be what the uncool notaries advise). We proceeded, me signing and the notary witnessing, until I had finished. It was then time for her perform the event for which she had been trained, for which she had surely been waiting breathlessly the entire morning: it was time for her to apply her seal to the document.

I saw this small inkstamp thing on the table. "Where's your shiny embosser?" I asked sheepishly? "Oh, we haven't used those in years. If you have one of THOSE, you must have been a notary FOREVER." ANYONE could get an inkstamp, though, I thought; you have to EARN an embosser and isn't that a bit more secure? Nonetheless, she stamped us and we were on our way...AFTER she made a pitch for her banks wonderful services by challenging the very financial instrument she was notarizing ("You got a line of credit? You know what the problem is with that?"). I did feel a bit weird given I had obtained the LOC from another bank, but if you advertise free notary services, you get what you get.

...which is about what the service is worth, especially given the move from paper embossing to ink stamping. Having someone watch me sign something is so yesterday, given the wonders of digital signatures, public key encryption, secure PDF documents, etc. Maybe an electronic notary can be created...someone that can pop up in a window, like a call center person on-line, and (digitally) "watch" you enter your digital signature ("Yes, that's your keystroking technique"). Or maybe a quick retinal scan will replace this whole thing someday ("Yes, those are your blood vessels and distinct iris patterns").

Now all I have to do is pay for everything, which ironically seems like it will be much easier than getting supporting documents notarized.

Merry New Year!

To go along with the fun of a New Year's celebration, some interesting stuff today:

Careful on the Test Track line at Disney -- A new law went into effect in Florida today that permits state residents to carry concealed firearms. Brady campaigners have taken the liberty of passing out fliers to travelers at the airport, warning them not to piss off any residents. Should make spring break in Daytona real exciting, too.

Nicholas Cage must not like his new son -- I can see his first day in kindergarten: "So, Kal-El, what did YOU do this summer? Change the course of mighty rivers?" Yes, it's true - Cage's son was given Superman's Kryptonian birth name.

[I'm a Met fan, so take the next one with a grain of salt] What possessed the Yankees to basically give away the last game of the season against Boston the other day? While they had clinched (barely) the American League East, they gave up home field advantage to the Angels by basically pitching the "B" team (well, whatever Jaret Wright is at this point) against Boston, who promptly pummeled the Yanks 10-1 (obviously, the game was meaningful to THEM). The Angels also made sure they won, apparently prompting some Yankees to claim that their manager was going too far for a game that didn't really matter. If the Yankees lose a 5th game in LA, they'll have this to look back on.

George Bush's "hastily prepared" (according to the NY Times) quote about his designated choice for Supreme Court Justice (White House lead counsel Harriet Miers) was interesting. He claimed that he sought someone "with grace", among other things. Now call me sexist, but this quote sounds so after the fact - would a search for a male OR female justice have been characterized this way? Does the new Chief Justice have "grace"? By the way, I hear this and keep thinking of the Sienfeld episode in which Elaine is trying to get a highfalutin job at a publisher and is supposed to have "grace" as well, like Jackie Kennedy did. Anyway, the quote sounds a bit stupid, but given its source, I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

I like pets too, but...

Since when are pets allowed to:
- be walked into department stores
- be carried onto airplanes (in cute little containers that fit under seats)
- sit on the laps of people driving cars
- be the beneficiaries of $38,000 worth of town money for a "dog park" (Greenburgh)

I guess "now" is the answer. I've seen all of these behaviors in the last few years, and despite the fact that I also had a pet for years when I was a younger, I have to decry these things. Police are cracking down on cell phone users without hands free devices, but they let people with dogs on their laps, jutting out of driver side windows, zip around freely.

I also can't imagine how a town like Greenburgh, that must certainly be able to use some new facilities for children, the less well off, etc., decides it must have a dog park.

I think our priorities might be slightly out of whack sometimes.